< Scratch Wiki:April Fools

Rage icon.png This is an April Fools' Day version of Scratch 3.0. Please don't take it seriously. You can find the original here.
Scratch Cat 3 Eyes.png Don't worry, we're not working on it. It's already finished.


The future[1] of Scratch, sort of

Scratch 3.0 has three eyes,[2] because it's from space. It came to the Earth to destroy mankind and take over the world. However, it has only succeeded in becoming a programming language for ages 8 to 16.

Scratch 3.0 is very fast, because it had to go to the Scratch Website by January 2019. 3.0 ran along a GitHub server and got tired easily, so it drank some DHMO,[3] a chemical that turns things blue has a high hydrogen count. As a result of drinking it, a lot of buttons and the UI became blue, as the hydrogen in it turns stuff blue.[4]

History

Scratch 3.0's exact history is unknown, but people have created several theories for how Scratch 3.0 came to be.[5]

Theory 1

Scratch 3.0 was discovered in a cave, over one million years ago. The cavemen didn't know how to use it, so it was kept in a secret lab. It was studied by scientists and kept from the outside world until 1578, when it escaped and destroyed the dinosaurs. Its power couldn't be contained, so they decided to destroy Scratch 3.0 to save the world. That's when they discovered that it wasn't Scratch 3.0, it was a slice of toast. Scratch 3.0 came down to the Earth and ate the toast. It hid in a cave until 2016.

In 2016, it invaded MIT. It accidentally became an upcoming programming language for kids, which the Scratch Team, Scratch Cat, Gobo, and his friends worked on.

Later, research has proven that this was actually the Scratch Team's long lost pet, Scratch 1.4, who was left behind after the ST fell in love with a new pet called Scratch 2.0. 1.4, who was furious about how 2.0 stole ST from him, decided to disguise as a new version of Scratch that was made in HTML5. However, since everybody loved Flash more, he also had to break into Adobe headquarters and force them into making Flash obsolete. After finally getting rid of Scratch 2.0 and getting back his love, 1.4 renamed himself to 3.0 to make sure nobody would notice, and is currently living in the ST's house again.

Theory 2[6]

One day, on July 31, 2018, The Scratch team decided to perform a fusion between Scratch 1.4 and Scratch 2.0. The fusion process would take several months, but would eventually be complete on January 2, 2019. In order to perform the fusion, Scratch 1.4 had to downgrade back to Scratch 1.0, or else the fusion process would eventually destroy the Scratch servers by causing Scratch 3.4 to be created.[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse] Scratch 2.0 kept the new features.[7] Those Scratch versions were dumped onto Github in order for the fusion process to begin. When the fusion process started, a beta form of their fusion was available for people to see. However, the beta form was very unstable,[8] so people usually stayed away from it, and regularly used what was left of Scratch 2.0 instead. As time went on, the fusion became more and more complete, until eventually, Scratch 3.0 was complete. The completion of the fusion process brought Scratch's servers to a temporary close, as an explosion as a result of the fusion toasted their servers. When the servers came back online, Scratch 2.0 was nowhere to be found,[9] and Scratch 3.0 took its place. Projects made in older versions either benefited from the changes, or were broken because of them.[10] However, there was no going back. Scratch 3.0 was born, and all must comply with it.[11]

Theory 3

On January 2, 2019, Scratch Team suddenly decided to make a new version of Scratch called Scratch 3.0. They took down the website, and quickly whipped up a worse version of Scratch with JavaScript and HTML5. HTML5 stands for Hungry Terrible Monstrous Language 5.0, a robotic cyborg monster that turned into a programming language and loves eating stuff. The 2.0 blocks got eaten into flat blocks, and the stage got chased into the right side of the canvas. The stage didn't taste good, so HTML5 just covered it with slobber. However, HTML5 powers Scratch, but it gets distracted by the bad taste the stage left in its mouth, so Scratch is sometimes unstable and slow. The Java monster, who powered Scratch 2.0, mutated into JavaScript, a more powerful and fast monster.[12] Scratch 3.0 finished its transition when HTML5 and the JavaScript monster merged into one monster that was capable of making projects produce 10 times as much energy units. When they finished merging, and almost wiped the whole site, because HTML5 was still squirming from the stage's bad taste, Scratch Team turned the servers on and started Scratch 3.0's six years of service.[13]

Theory 4

This theory was written by a fortune teller in 1902, but it was in Korean, so our expert translation team translated it.

Scratch 3.0 is a clone of Scratch. Some random aliens tried to clone Scratch, until the original Scratch jumped into a river with mean phish in it. Then, Scratch 3.0 was accidentally yeeted seconds before the the cloning process completed.

A five-years-old then saw it suddenly rocketing to the Earth at a speed of 999999.99999999999.999999999 miles[14] per hour, in which it had to stop by a gas station to recharge its energy units.

Later on, the creature fainted, and the Scratch Team abducted it for their next big plan, where they would censor every word in the forums.[15]

What's New

  • The Pen Blocks have become an extension, because it is more difficult to load it, and what's more, the Scratch Team were getting a bit tired of Scratch Cat, Gobo, and his friends all constantly getting ink all over their hands and faces, and needing to be washed each time before they could appear in another project.[16]
  • The Music Blocks have similarly been relegated to an extension, because they were only used for long-haired gigs and stuff like that, which the Scratch Team doesn't dig.[17]
  • The Stage has become very wrinkly, because of HTML5's slobber.
  • The Stage is now on the right again, because it felt like it.[18]
  • The blocks are now fat, because they now eat so much pizza and other food costumes.
  • Pico sat on the block category section and squished them into the side.
  • The colors of the Events blocks and the Control blocks were swapped, because of an event that started to control them, which forced them into swapping.
  • Gobo's friends created a variable called My variable and renamed More Blocks to My Blocks, because they were greedy.
  • There is a paws button formed by the Scratch Cat's paw print.
  • This version of Scratch can extract 10 times as many energy units per project than 2.0, because JavaScript.
  • This version is more cat-friendly, but more human-unfriendly,[19] which is why the "Help" feature was removed–-it displayed help as written text, but it could not display it in the Meow language in any cases,[20] so the Scratch Team got rid of it.
  • Dynamite made a cave full of energy units explode, so it has been banned.[21]
  • Scratch has been banned.[22]

What's Old

Picoboard/Nanoboard cash machines :(

– Someone?! \_(0-0)_/

  • Everything, excluding everything.
  • The Picoboard.

Unreferences

  1. Or present.
  2. Scratch Cat Blog at http://scratchcat.ourblog.net
  3. Not water.
  4. DHMO warning at https://dhmo.gov
  5. Yes, these are all rumors.
  6. I personally think this is the most true and correct theory.
  7. Or perhaps just some of them.
  8. And full of viruses.
  9. It was destroyed in the explosion, but its offline remnants can still be seen.
  10. There's a rumor that this was later fixed. It hasn't been confirmed to be true yet, however.
  11. After 3.0's release, some people started flame wars against MIT, because they thought 3.0 was bin material, but they were banned.
  12. Which worked properly around the Internet only, however.
  13. The ST claimed that Scratch 4.0 will be made when 3.0's years of service are over. This hasn't been confirmed to be true yet.
  14. Or perhaps just kilometers!
  15. The censor senses movement, that's why it censored the entire forums!
  16. Scratch 3.0 at LINK CENSORED BY THE CENSOR
  17. Ev'rybody Wants to Be a Cat, The Aristocats, Walt Disney Company 1970
  18. The ST decided what to do and make.
  19. Partially due to them underestimating human capabilities.
  20. The Meow language has no alphabet, and uses no script, so that's why it's spoken only.
  21. The Scratch Team have been suspicious of dynamite since it was invented.
  22. This was made by Kaj.
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