|This is an April Fools' Day version of How do I report a user?. Please don't take it seriously. You can find the original here.|
You don't, end of story.
If you even try to click that little report button, you will find that it doesn't work. Even if it might look like you are reporting a comment or a user or something, you are really reporting yourself for attempting to keep the site friendly.
Remember to follow the Community Guidelines, folks.