< Scratch Wiki:April Fools

Rage icon.png This is an April Fools' Day version of Alternatives to Scratch. Please don't take it seriously. You can find the original here.

If you want to run away from[1] Scratch due to not-so-nice stuff,[2] there are a few groups you can join that are against Scratch. Some of them are:

ScratchX

You already know. ScratchX is an organization that has the objective of destroying Scratch and all of its instances.[3]

DMCA

A branch of the FBI that experiments with moon cheese or something.

S.N.A.P. Co.

S.N.A.P. (Scratch Nullifying/Abandoning Project) Co. is an ally of ScratchX. The company's primary goal is to brainstorm ideas, make plans, and apply them into reality in order to make the Scratch Team abandon their website, reset all data, and give up on the energy units. They haven't succeeded with any of their plans yet, but since they've hired Thanos as a member of the Plan Brainstorming Council, there are rumors going around that they're working on a huge plan. A lot of positions in the company are looking for employees, so there's a good chance that you'll be hired there.[4]

As S.N.A.P. Co., we are inevitable.

– Thanos, in the S.N.A.P. Co. commercial that was aired in Scratch TV around 3 a.m.[5]

Media vs. Scratch Union

Media vs. Scratch Union is a group of journalists, reporters, and social media geeks who are behind most of the controversies happened in Scratch's Ministry of Press. They use the media in order to reveal Scratch's true colors, waking people up, leaking the energy units,[6] and stuff like that.

Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda

The Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda (Often abbreviated as A-SMoP or just MoP in the anti-Scratch jargon) is, hence the name, functions like a ministry of propaganda[7] for anti-Scratch establishments. Their objective is to get more people to join anti-Scratch establishments through propaganda, and also to deflect pro-Scratch propaganda made by the Scratch Team. The members of the Ministry work very closely with the Media vs. Scratch Union, and S.N.A.P. Co. often sends them artists and motivational speakers to work on new propaganda. In exchange, the MoP often sends the Company UNO™ Reverse Cards for the Company's members to use whenever the Scratch Thought Police or any other pro-Scratch establishment tries to interfere their work.[8] The United Nations' Destroy Scratch Committee has praised the Establishment many times, mainly because they help the people using peaceful ways. The A-SMoP's arch-nemesis (other than the Scratch Team itself) is the Scratch Thought Police.

The United Nations' Destroy Scratch Commitee

This group files multiple lawsuits a day to give no time to the Scratch Team to do their evil deeds[9]. They cannot get banned[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse] otherwise the Scratch Team will be banned too. They also destroyed the dungeon underneath MIT for one millisecond[10], where people are punished beacause they were banned. The Scratch Team, however, are developing ways to contradict their lawsuits and 'accidentally' destroy courts so the lawsuits cannot happen. Luckilly, that will happen in infinity years. As of December 2020 the UNDSC has the following member states:

  1. Armenia
  2. France
  3. A nonexistent country filled with rebel cats
  4. The United States
  5. Iran
  6. Iraq
  7. India
  8. China
  9. Indonesia
  10. Ind0nesia (not to be confused with Indonesia)
  11. Tuvalu
  12. New Zealand
  13. Old Zealand
  14. Canada
  15. Brázil (not Brazil)
  16. Vatican City
  17. [insert country here]
  18. Italy
  19. South Africa
  20. [insert totally nonexistent country here]
  21. Atlantis[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse]
  22. Chernobyl
  23. the country that only drinks tea

Slatch

Created by WazzoTV, Slatch is perhaps the greatest of these Scratch alternatives. It offers quite the opposite of Scratch, and actively uses a blue dog mascot, Qbert, to lure in Scratchers to steal their energy units. These are later given to the Scratch Team, who then uses them to power their corn farm in exchange for evil kumquats.

Anti-Scratch Communications Headquarters

The Scratch Communications Headquarters (Also known as A-SCHQ or just SCHQ in the anti-Scratch jargon) is an anti-Scratch establishment that is in charge of anti-Scratch establishments' signals intelligence (SIGINT). The source of the intelligence they distribute to anti-Scratch organizations is usually the phone calls between the members of the Scratch Team (And the pro-Scratch ministries), walkie-talkie conversations the members of the Scratch Thought Police have between each other, and messages the pro-Scratch organizations send using the Catigma[11] and Shamshung[12] CB47 (Also known as the Gobby[13]) cipher machines. The locations of the SIGINT fields is known very well by most members of the anti-Scratch community.[14] The Scratch Intelligence Service, the intelligence service of Scratch Team and all the pro-Scratch establishments, is unaware of this establishment's existence, nor that all their secret communication is broken and being read.[15] The A-SCHQ's successes include:

  • Predicting the locations of all the ships that took part in the Giant Energy Unit Transfer.[16] Thanks to the intelligence S.N.A.P. Co. received from A-SCHQ, they were able to destroy 50,000 of the energy units,[17] as well as sink 8 ships.[18]
  • Helping many S.N.A.P. Co. spies that worked undercover as members of pro-Scratch organizations avoid getting arrested by listening to the Scratch Thought Police's walkie-talkie conversations and telling the spies to not go to the places the Thought Police were waiting at.
  • Predicting the date, time, and location of the 2021 Scratch Ban Prison Inmate Transfer. They shared the information with Slatch and Slatch was able to rescue a few inmates, including an ex-member of the High Rank Board of the Scratch Ministry of Press.[19]

References

  1. Or planning to destroy
  2. Nice car by the way
  3. Most importantly Scratch Cat (SCRATCHX-002), and the members of the Scratch Team (SCRATCHX-003-1 to 18)
  4. If you apply and you have at least decent work, of course.
  5. The commercial was aired thanks to Media vs. Scratch Union, who hacked Scratch TV before half of their members were banned by the Scratch Team. Thanos remained. The quote was later picked up by the Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda (A-SMoP) to use for an anti-Scratch propaganda campaign.
  6. So the Scratch Team can't prevent their activities
  7. Sounds like a WWII Germany thing, but whatever.
  8. Not just S.N.A.P. Co., but also the most of anti-Scratch establishments as well. All members of the MoP have one.
  9. YES THEY ARE EVIL!
  10. The government is considering flooding it with lava (and everyone will be rescued of course)
  11. The A-SCHQ is mostly famous around the anti-Scratch community for breaking the Catigma.
  12. Shamshung also provides the Scratch Intelligence Service with phones and walkie-talkies and all that stuff.
  13. "Gobby" is just a spoof version of "Gobo". Don't worry.
  14. A-SCHQ sometimes even lets the members of anti-Scratch establishments to take a few intercepted messages and decrypt the message themselves. That lead to the foundation of the S.N.A.P. Co. Catigma Breaking Group, an unofficial branch of S.N.A.P. Co. found by some people working there.
  15. Despite that the SIGINT fields can be literally seen from 17300000000 miles and all the signs that their cipher machines have been broken.
  16. Some idiot in the Scratch Navy sent a dummy message consisting of all Ls using the Catigma and that gave A-SCHQ the whole Catigma key settings for the day.
  17. There were 150,000 at the beginning of the Transfer. I say destroying 50,000 of them is still a win.
  18. There were 16 ships taking part. So they destroyed 50% of the ships. The ships were also very large.
  19. He got hired by the Media vs. Scratch Union. He also shared all the stuff he knew about the Scratch Ministry of Press with the anti-Scratch community.
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