< Scratch Wiki:April Fools

Rage icon.png This is an April Fools' Day version of Alternatives to Scratch. Please don't take it seriously. You can find the original here.

If you want to run away from[1] Scratch due to not-so-nice stuff,[2] there are a few groups you can join that are against Scratch. Most of them collaborate with each other. Some of them are:

ScratchX

ScratchX is an organization that has the objective of destroying Scratch and all of its instances.[3] The members of ScratchX are dogs hated by the Scratch Team, such as dogs that hate math, and the residents of Dog City who survived in the Big Dog Flame War.

DMCA

The DMCA (short for Digital Millennium Cat-aclysm Act or, alternatively, Demonstration of Moon Cheese Annihilation Ability) is a branch of the FBI that experiments with moon cheese (a radioactive sort of cheese hated by the ST) or something.[4] But like the actual FBI, they have more than just moon cheese; they wield various guns[5] and arrest whoever does wrong things. Sadly, they didn't arrest any of the ST members (or Scratch Cat) yet, so the only person who was subject to prosecution was Pico.[6] The DMCA is an ally of ScratchX.

S.N.A.P. Co.

S.N.A.P. (Scratch Nullifying/Abandoning Project) Co., previously known as B.Y.O.B. Co., is an ally of ScratchX. The company's primary goal is to brainstorm ideas, make plans, and apply them into reality in order to make the Scratch Team abandon their website, reset all data, and give up on the energy units. They haven't succeeded with any of their plans yet, but since they've hired Thanos as a member of the Plan Brainstorming Council, there are rumors going around that they're working on a huge plan. A lot of positions in the company are looking for employees, so there's a good chance that you'll be hired there.[7] This is, by far, the second most effective alternative to Scratch.

As S.N.A.P. Co., we are inevitable.

– Thanos, in the S.N.A.P. Co. commercial that was aired on Scratch TV around 3 AM.[8]

Media vs. Scratch Union

Media vs. Scratch Union is a group of journalists, reporters, and social media geeks who are behind most of the controversies happened in Scratch's Ministry of Press. They use the media in order to reveal Scratch's true colors, wake people up, leak the energy units,[9] and stuff like that.

Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda

The Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda (Often abbreviated as A-SMoP or just MoP in the anti-Scratch jargon), hence the name, functions like a ministry of propaganda[10] for anti-Scratch establishments. Their objective is to get more people to join anti-Scratch establishments through propaganda, and also to deflect pro-Scratch propaganda made by the Scratch Team. The members of the Ministry work very closely with the Media vs. Scratch Union, and S.N.A.P. Co. often sends them artists and motivational speakers to work on new propaganda. In exchange, the MoP often sends the S.N.A.P. Co. UNO™ Reverse Cards for the Company's members to use whenever the Scratch Thought Police or any other pro-Scratch establishment tries to interfere their work.[11] The United Nations' Destroy Scratch Committee has praised the establishment many times, mainly because they help the people using peaceful ways. The A-SMoP's arch-nemesis (other than the Scratch Team itself) is the Scratch Thought Police.

The United Nations' Destroy Scratch Commitee

This group files multiple lawsuits a day to give no time to the Scratch Team to do their evil deeds[12]. They cannot get banned,[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse][13] otherwise, the Scratch Team will be banned too. They also destroyed the dungeon of banned users underneath MIT for one millisecond.[14] The Scratch Team, however, are developing ways to contradict their lawsuits and "accidentally" destroy courts, so the lawsuits cannot happen. Luckily, that will happen in 10,000 years. As of December 2020, the UNDSC has the following member states:

  1. Armenia.
  2. France.
  3. The United States.
  4. Iran.
  5. Iraq.
  6. India.
  7. China.
  8. Indonesia.
  9. Tuvalu.
  10. New Zealand.
  11. Canada.
  12. Brázil.[15]
  13. Vatican.
  14. Liechtenstein.
  15. Italy.
  16. South Africa.
  17. Gibraltar.
  18. Antarctica.[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse]
  19. Chernobyl.
  20. Moscow.
  21. Luxembourg.[16]
  22. Japan.

International Scratch Mutilation Organization

The International Scratch Mutilation Organization (ISMO) is an ally of the United Nations' Destroy Scratch Committee. The following countries are part of the ISMO:[this info might be a giant lie and confuse you and everybody else in the multiverse]

  1. A nonexistent country filled with rebel cats.
  2. Ind0nesia.[17]
  3. Old Zealand.
  4. Atlantis.
  5. A country that only drinks tea.
  6. A country that only drinks coffee.
  7. A country that only drinks ramen.[18]

Slatch

Created by WazzoTV, Slatch is perhaps the greatest of these Scratch alternatives. It offers quite the opposite of Scratch, and actively uses a blue dog mascot, Qbert, to lure in Scratchers to steal their energy units. These are later given to the Scratch Team, who then uses them to power their corn farm in exchange for evil kumquats. Slatch is probably not gonna be against Scratch, however.

Anti-Scratch Communications Headquarters

The Anti-Scratch Communications Headquarters (Also known as A-SCHQ or just SCHQ in the anti-Scratch jargon) is an anti-Scratch establishment that is in charge of the rest of the anti-Scratch establishments' signals intelligence (SIGINT). The source of the intelligence they distribute to anti-Scratch organizations is usually the phone calls between the members of the Scratch Team (and the pro-Scratch ministries), walkie-talkie conversations between the members of the Scratch Thought Police, and messages the pro-Scratch organizations send using the Catigma[19] and Shamshung[20] CB47 (Also known as the Gobby[21]) cipher machines. The locations of the SIGINT fields are known very well by most members of the anti-Scratch community.[22] The Scratch Intelligence Service, the intelligence service of the Scratch Team and all the pro-Scratch establishments, is unaware of this establishment's existence, nor that all their secret communications are broken and being read.[23] The A-SCHQ's successes include:

  • Predicting the locations of all the ships that took part in the Giant Energy Unit Transfer.[24] Thanks to the intelligence S.N.A.P. Co. received from A-SCHQ, they were able to destroy 50,000 of the energy units,[25] as well as sink eight ships.[26]
  • Helping many S.N.A.P. Co. spies that worked undercover as members of pro-Scratch organizations avoid getting arrested by listening to the Scratch Thought Police's walkie-talkie conversations and telling the spies not to go to the places the Thought Police were waiting at.
  • Predicting the date, time, and location of the 2021 Scratch Ban Prison Inmate Transfer. They shared the information with Slatch, and the latter was able to rescue a few inmates, including an ex-member of the High Rank Board of the Scratch Ministry of Press.[27]

References

  1. Or planning to destroy.
  2. Nice car, by the way.
  3. Most importantly Scratch Cat (SCRATCHX-002), and the members of the Scratch Team (SCRATCHX-003-1 to 18).
  4. They use the moon cheese as their super effective weapon against ST.
  5. Their imagery is not allowed on Scratch, btw.
  6. Do you remember how he sabotaged the Scratch servers?
  7. If you apply and you have at least decent work, of course.
  8. The commercial was aired thanks to Media vs. Scratch Union, who hacked Scratch TV before half of their members were banned by the Scratch Team. Thanos remained. The quote was later picked up by the Anti-Scratch Ministry of Propaganda (A-SMoP) to use for an anti-Scratch propaganda campaign.
  9. So the Scratch Team can't prevent their activities.
  10. Sounds like a WWII Germany thing, but whatever.
  11. Not just S.N.A.P. Co., but also the most of anti-Scratch establishments as well. All members of the MoP have one.
  12. YES, THEY ARE EVIL!
  13. Some of them are cats who used to be an ST member.
  14. The government is flooding it with lava (and everyone will be rescued, of course).
  15. The city, not the country itself.
  16. Same as with Brázil.
  17. Not to be confused with Indonesia.
  18. Drinking ramen?! You eat ramen, not drink it, that DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
  19. The A-SCHQ is mostly famous around the anti-Scratch community for breaking the Catigma.
  20. Shamshung also provides the Scratch Intelligence Service with phones and walkie-talkies and all that stuff.
  21. "Gobby" is just a spoof version of "Gobo". Don't worry.
  22. A-SCHQ sometimes even lets the members of anti-Scratch establishments to take a few intercepted messages and decrypt the message themselves. That led to the foundation of the S.N.A.P. Co. Catigma Breaking Group, an unofficial branch of S.N.A.P. Co. founded by some people working there.
  23. Despite that the SIGINT fields can be literally seen from 17300000000 miles and all the signs that their cipher machines have been broken.
  24. Some idiot in the Scratch Navy sent a dummy message consisting of all L's using the Catigma and that gave A-SCHQ the whole Catigma key settings for the day.
  25. There were 150,000 at the beginning of the Transfer. I say destroying 50,000 of them is still a win.
  26. There were 16 ships taking part. So they destroyed 50% of the ships. The ships were also very large.
  27. He got hired by the Media vs. Scratch Union. He also shared all the stuff he knew about the Scratch Ministry of Press with the anti-Scratch community.